How to Build Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship

Having emotional intimacy in a relationship can help you and your partner be open to one another and share how you feel. Being able to talk to your partner about what’s on your mind and knowing they will be there for you when you need them.

You don’t have to tell your partner every secret you have and always be able to communicate with them, ask them a question, or do something you told them you would do to let both of you open up to each other.

I think both should go hand in hand with emotional intimacy; you shouldn’t have to tell your partner everything that’s going on in your life.

Key Takeaways

• When someone knows you care about them and what they think, they will feel closer to you.
• These don’t have to be big moments; they can be little moments too.
• Let them know how you feel about things.
• Listen to others before trying to help them with a problem.
• Take it slow if you feel as though it’s too much to discuss certain topics.

What Is Emotional Intimacy?

When you feel close to someone, it could be feeling intimate with your significant other. You feel as though you can open up to your partner. They can tell you what’s been going on in their life, and you can tell them what’s going on in yours. Your partner knows that your opinion is important to them. You don’t have to know everything about what your partner is thinking or have all the same interests.

Your partner can like things that you may not like and have memories about themselves that you aren’t aware of. People like to share what’s bothering them, and some like to just keep it to themselves. Neither is wrong; just allow each other to open up to one another.

Let your partner know that you trust them with small things. Maybe they kept a small promise to you, or you asked them a question that would allow them to give you an honest answer. By doing this, they will know that you can open up to one another in a healthy way.

Signs You’re Growing Emotionally Closer

There are many signs that you and your partner are building emotional intimacy. Some you may not even know are happening, but here are some that you can look for.

You can bring up problems, and your partner won’t laugh it off.

• Ask your partner questions about things that you want to know about.
• Tell your partner that you need some time and revisit that topic at a later time.
• Start to open up to your partner about things that are happening in your life, good and bad.
• Argue with each other in a healthy manner.
• Show your partner through your actions that you can be trusted.
• Feel comfortable saying no to things or asking for help when needed.

These are just some examples that you may notice between you and your partner. Maybe your partner came home from work upset about something. They may not know that you can fix their problem, but they will appreciate you putting your phone down and asking what’s going on.

Just because you don’t know everything about your partner’s life doesn’t mean you aren’t intimate with each other. How you respond to your partner when they open up to you is what matters.

How to Build Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship

Here are some ways that you can open up to your partner. Pick what works best for you and continue from there.

Make time for honest conversations

Take the time to talk to your partner. It could be on a walk or over some tea. Whatever you both find enjoyable to talk about. Tell them that you want to talk to them.

You can say something like, “I want to get to know you better. Can we talk and take our distractions away?”

It doesn’t have to be about your relationship. You can ask your partner what went well this week or what has been stressing them out. What they might need from you to help them feel supported. If you feel as though it may get too deep, just tell your partner that you will talk to them about it later.

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Listen without rushing to fix things

When your partner comes to you about a problem, they probably want you to fix it for them. They may just want you to hear them out. Listen to them and ask them if they need help with the situation or if they just want to talk about it.

“I think that you have been feeling ___. Am I correct?”

Let them know if you were right or wrong about how they’ve been feeling. Don’t cut into what they have to say by telling them about a situation that you had. Share your story with them after they are done speaking.

Maybe your partner felt as though they weren’t included during a family event. Ask them what they thought you could have done to include them more. Ask your partner questions that will let them know you care.

Share feelings at a comfortable pace

There’s no need to open up about everything at once. You can tell your partner that you feel something or that there’s something on your mind. But you don’t need to tell them why just yet.

“I feel like there’s something I need to share with you, but I’m not ready to share it all. Is it okay if I share part of it?”

Let your partner know that you’re not ready to share everything just yet. You can tell them what you feel comfortable sharing and let them know you’ll share more with them when you’re ready.

This does not mean that you shouldn’t tell your partner. Just open up to them when you’re comfortable. Make sure your partner allows you to do this as well.

Keep promises and follow through

Make sure that you do what you tell your partner that you will do. If you decide not to do what you said or you forgot, tell them. Help build trust with your partner by following through on what you say you’ll do.

For example, you told your partner you would call them when you were done with your appointment. If you know you’re going to be late, text them. Let them know you’ll call them when you can.

“How can I show you that I’m trustworthy?”

That’s all you have to do. When you know what they want from you, follow through with it. Here’s an article on how to build trust in your relationship.

Spend meaningful time together

You don’t always have to make time to talk to your partner for hours or even have a date night. You can simply eat dinner with them. Go for a walk, or cook dinner together. Even sitting down for 5 minutes to talk about your day.

“What do you think we should do this week that we both enjoy?” Maybe your partner likes to relax at home and you like to go out and do things. Find something you both like to do.

As long as you’re making time for your partner, that’s what matters. This will also allow you to be mindful of what your partner may be feeling.

Handle disagreements with respect

You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says or does. Communicate what your issue is and don’t try to blame your partner. Use “I” statements and tell them what you need.

“I didn’t like that you went and did that activity without me. Can you please ask me next time?”

If you or your partner get angry and can’t hear what the other has to say, tell them you need some time and when you can speak about it.

“I want to talk to you about this, but I need some time. Can we talk later tonight?”

Don’t use this as an excuse to not talk to them about it. Speak to them about it when you tell them you will, or let them know when you can. Learn more about setting boundaries in your relationship.

Everyday ways to build closeness

Small practice	What it can support	Try this
A short check-in	More openness	Ask, “What’s on your mind today?”
Listening before advising	Feeling understood	Ask, “Would you like ideas or just a listening ear?”
Following through	Trust	Keep one small promise you made
Shared time	Attention and connection	Choose one simple activity together
A respectful pause	Personal boundaries	Agree when you will continue the talk

A Resource I Know

The Relationship Rewrite Method is a resource I know and consider relevant for readers who want support with relationship challenges. I may earn a commission if you use this link, at no extra cost to you.

Conversation Starters for Couples

Asking your partner questions can sometimes be difficult. They may be overwhelmed from their week, or maybe you two are arguing. Ask them a question and allow them to answer as they please.

Some questions you can ask your partner:

• “What has been on your mind lately?”
• “Have you felt like I’ve been there for you recently?”
• “How can we help one another this week?”
• “What would you like us to do more of?”
• “When I am stressed, what can you do to help me?”
• “Do you have any subjects that you want to talk about that we haven’t talked about yet?”

If they feel comfortable opening up about something, you can say, “I don’t want you to solve my problem, but I just need you to listen.”

Keep in mind these are questions you are asking your partner. They may not want to answer right away. Ask them if they want to talk about it later. Don’t go into the questions thinking of what answer you want. Just remember why you are asking them these questions: to open that communication with your partner.

What If Opening Up Feels Difficult?

There are many reasons why a person may not open up to their partner. They may not know how to communicate with their partner, or past relationships did not allow them to. Don’t take it the wrong way. Ask them what they would feel more comfortable opening up to you about.

Start with something small. “I feel like we haven’t spent as much quality time together this past week.” Or let your partner know that you are worried about something but don’t elaborate.

Keep in mind, you also have the choice of what you want to open up to your partner about. You can always let them know you’re not comfortable talking about that subject. “What Are Personal Boundaries In Love?”

If you continue to argue about the same thing, take some time from your partner and tell them when you want to come back to it. If you continue to have trouble communicating with your partner, it may be beneficial to seek outside help, like a counselor.

Don’t think of it as you are failing; you’re just trying to help yourself and your relationship.If you find yourself arguing about the same thing, it may be helpful to take a break from each other and set a time to come back to the conversation. If you continue to struggle with talking to your partner, maybe seek help from a neutral party such as a counselor. Remember, you are choosing to get help; it doesn’t mean you’re failing.

When You’re Considering Ending the Relationship

Do you need to break up with your partner in person?

If you feel that your partner will accept the information, then yes. You want to tell them in person or even on the phone so that you can both speak to one another. But if you feel that your partner will not accept the information, or that you may not be in a safe situation, do not feel pressured to talk to your partner in person. Keep yourself in a safe place when you need to confront your partner. Let a friend know what you plan on doing and have an escape route if necessary.

What to do if your partner tries to convince you to stay.

Tell your partner no. If they continue to argue with you, tell them you are finished talking to them if they continue to yell at you. Don’t list all the reasons they have done in the past.

Set boundaries with your partner once you have broken up with them. Try to limit contact with your partner and separate your belongings from theirs. Don’t allow them in your life if it feels like you’re still dating them. Allow yourself to grieve your relationship. If you feel that you may not be safe after you break up with your partner, read “How to Make a Personal Safety Plan.”

Something I love about being intimate with someone is knowing that I can tell my partner that I need time, and they will understand. You can love someone and not want to share everything with them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I be more intimate with my partner?

Yes! Once you and your partner grow closer, they will understand how you want to communicate with them. There are steps that you can take to be more intimate with your partner. Try to do these every day and ask your partner what they like to feel close to you.

What should I say to my partner if we can’t communicate?

Take one subject that you want to talk about and speak to your partner about it. Make sure you have plenty of time to talk to your partner. Talk to them about what you need from your partner and what they can do for you. If you both start getting upset, walk away and tell one another when you will come back to talk about it.

My partner doesn’t want to open up to me.

Ask your partner what they want from their relationship. Maybe they want to know what you did today, and you want to open up more. See what you can do to be intimate with your partner. One thing you can do is tell your partner one good thing and one bad thing that happened to you today. If your partner doesn’t want to talk about it, tell them that it’s okay and they can come to you when they want to.

Conclusion

As you can see, there are many ways you can become intimate with your partner. Talk to your partner, listen to your partner. Give your partner space and follow through with what you say you will do. You don’t have to open up to your partner about everything. Just let them know that you care.

The Relationship Rewrite Method is a resource I know and consider relevant for readers who want support with relationship challenges. I may earn a commission if you use this link, at no extra cost to you.