How to Fix a Broken Relationship: Steps to Decide Whether and How to Repair It

What do you do when you’re fighting about the same things, can’t connect with each other, or have conversations without getting hurt? These are questions that come to mind when you’re trying to learn how to fix a relationship. Maybe you think it can be fixed, but will anything change if you try?

If you’re wondering how you can save a relationship, start by talking honestly about what feels wrong and what you’re both willing to change.

There is no one answer that will work for everyone. You both must want to change and actually take action. Saying “we will change” is not enough. You must know what is going on and come up with ways to change and see if you can follow through.

Hopefully, this “How to Fix a Broken Relationship” article will allow you to figure out what may be broken in your relationship and if it’s something you both can work on. We are not trying to tell you to fix your relationship; we just want you to be able to make a decision.

I think repairing a relationship begins with honestly expressing what is painful and what needs to be different. The aim is not to preserve the relationship no matter what, but to find out if both individuals can create something healthier together.

Key Takeaways

• Identify what makes the relationship feel broken to you.
• There needs to be work put in from both sides to repair a relationship.
• Pick one thing you want to work on and try one small change. See if the change sticks.
• A couples therapist could be beneficial if you can’t seem to get anywhere with your communication.
• If your partner continues to harm you or you don’t feel safe, focus on helping yourself.

What Does “Broken” Mean in a Relationship?

A relationship can feel broken in many ways. Perhaps you feel like your partner isn’t listening to you, or maybe you’re always fighting. Maybe you can’t trust your partner or just aren’t happy with your day-to-day life together. Some relationships become broken over time. Others can feel like they became broken after one incident.

Think about what exactly feels broken. When you say, “our relationship is broken,” it can feel overwhelming to figure out how to fix it. Try breaking it down.

• “We don’t communicate about money and end up fighting when bills are due.”
• “We enjoy spending time together but find ourselves only talking about housework.”
• “When we fight, we don’t know how to resolve it and move forward.”
• “I feel like I’m the only one trying to make plans.”
• “We’ve established this ground rule and nothing seems to change.”

Once you’ve identified what is making your relationship feel broken, you can begin to speak about your relationship. Rather than blaming each other for being the reason why things are broken, you may realize that the situation is not as broad as you originally thought.

Learn how to gain trust back in a relationship if that’s what you’re struggling with. Learn how to stop fighting with your partner if you find yourselves in constant arguments. Both of these topics can play a role in your relationship feeling broken.

Can a Broken Relationship Be Fixed?

Yes, your relationship can become better if both parties understand what’s going wrong. However, you can never know if your relationship will be fixed just by trying. There may be situations where your partner doesn’t want to fix the relationship.

Both partners need to be open to:

• Communicating about what is wrong without attacking your partner.
• Allowing your partner to express how they feel even if you disagree.
• Being accountable for your actions.
• Changing your behaviors and sticking with the change.
• Taking a look at what’s working and what isn’t.
• Giving your partner time to figure out what they want.

You don’t have to understand everything that’s gone wrong in your relationship. You just have to be willing to communicate with your partner about what needs to change. According to the American Psychological Association, try to hear your partner’s point of view and understand how they’re feeling when arguing. You don’t have to agree with your partner, just understand what they’re saying.

One person can try to initiate communication or change, but you can’t force a relationship to become better if only one person is trying. If your partner isn’t willing to hear you out and try to change something, that is something you need to be aware of. It doesn’t mean that you’re failing your relationship. Just understand what your current situation is.

How to Fix a Broken Relationship: 6 Steps to Try Together

Here are some steps you and your partner can take to try and fix your relationship. These steps are not a guarantee that you’ll stay together. If any of these steps do not apply to your situation, please stop and try to help yourself.

1. Pause and identify what feels broken

Once you’ve decided that you want to communicate with your partner, take some time to think about what’s going on.

• What are some things that have been going on?
• When does this usually happen?
• How does it make you feel?
• What have you tried so far?
• What would you like to see changed?

Don’t assume what your partner’s intentions are. For example, “we haven’t done anything together in 3 weeks,” versus “you don’t care about me.” Try to understand what your problem is and communicate that to your partner.

It can help to write some of these things down. Don’t list too many things at once. You want to focus on what’s bothering you right now.

If there is something that you keep coming back to, try to dig deeper into why that’s happening. Maybe you always fight about doing dishes, but it could be that you don’t have the same views on how to divide work around the house. Try to understand what may be causing that issue.

2. Decide what you need

Knowing what you want makes it simpler to communicate your request to your partner. What would you want to happen to feel valued? Maybe they would listen to you more, or you would both spend more time together. Keep it to things that you and your partner can identify.

“I want you to love me more” is broad and vague. “Can we have one night a week where we just hang out together?” is clearer. Maybe your partner will come up with another solution, but at least you have something to start with.

What you want is not a demand that your partner has to fulfill. It’s simply communicating what you want. They can tell you no, and you can decide if that is acceptable to you.

3. Choose a calm time to talk

Having a tough conversation will be easier if you’re both calm. Make sure you and your partner are not running late for something or tired. If you’re already fighting, don’t bring it up. Ask them if they have time to talk.

Something along the lines of:

“I love our relationship, and I’ve noticed we’ve been drifting apart. Can we talk about it sometime?”

By doing this, you are letting them know you want to talk but are not assuming you know what they think or feel. According to the APA, it’s important to slow down your argument and state what you feel.

If you or your partner become upset, it’s okay to stop. Just make sure to schedule when you will resume your conversation. Don’t leave it up to chance.

“I’m upset; let’s talk about it after dinner.”

Make sure the break you take isn’t used to run away from your problem.

4. Describe the problem without blame

Pick one thing that is bothering you and talk about it. Explain what is happening and how it makes you feel. Then ask what you’d like to work on together. Don’t call your partner names or make ultimatums.

For example:

“You never talk to me after we fight. I don’t want us to shut each other out; can we work on that?”

This doesn’t mean you can’t express how something is hurting you. Just be mindful of how you word it so your partner can understand.

Your partner may explain their side of things. Listen to what they have to say and don’t interrupt.

“I want to understand your point of view. You feel I don’t support you when I get distracted, correct?”

If either party begins yelling or name-calling, stop your conversation. Tell your partner that you want to talk but under certain conditions.

“I want to resolve this issue, but I won’t talk if we are yelling at each other. Let’s take a break and figure out when we want to resume.”

5. Take responsibility and agree on a small change

Once you have discussed your issue, it’s time to figure out what each person can do. When owning up to your mistake, make sure you aren’t taking the blame for everything. You are simply admitting that you did something wrong and you can fix it. You aren’t admitting that you were abusive to your partner.

When saying sorry, specify what you did wrong.

“I realize I brushed off your concern. I’m sorry; I’ll work on listening to you next time.”

Try to work on one thing at a time. Something you can measure to see if your partner is following through.

• Have 20 minutes on Sunday to talk about your day, no phones.
• Allow yourself to walk away from an argument and resume when you’re ready.
• Work on one chore you both feel is being done unfairly.
• Don’t offer solutions when your partner wants to talk.

Make your goals attainable. It’s nice to promise your partner you will do a lot of things, but if you can’t follow through, what was the point?

6. Check in and assess progress

After you and your partner have been working on your goal, you should discuss how things are going.

• What is getting better?
• What isn’t getting better?
• Are you both following through?
• Do you want to change anything else?
• Are you both happy to continue?

Don’t expect things to be perfect all the time. There will be times your conversation doesn’t go well. But if you and your partner can acknowledge that and continue to work on it, you’re on the right track.

You might say:

“We’ve been talking once a week; how has that been working for you both? Do you want to continue?”

Take note of what is happening between you and your partner. If they continue to make promises and not follow through, that may be a sign that you’re not on the right track.

When Professional Support May Help

You may benefit from talking to a couples therapist if you find that every time you try to discuss something, it turns into a fight. You have tried to resolve the issue, but it keeps coming up, or you are unable to come to a solution on what needs to be changed. A couples therapist can provide you with ways to communicate and look at what may be causing these issues.

The American Psychological Association lists types of couples therapy that can help with communicating with your partner, such as addressing blaming, running from issues, and not spending time together. Couples therapy can allow you to better work on your relationship or know if it’s the right path for both of you to continue.

If your partner is unwilling to see a couples therapist, you can always speak to a counselor or professional whom you trust to help you figure out what you want and need.

When Repair May Not Be Healthy

There are times when it may not be beneficial to repair your relationship. If harmful actions are happening and your partner is unwilling to change them, continuing to be disrespected, broken agreements, trying to convince you to accept less from a relationship, or only one person trying to change are some signs that may tell you to step back from the relationship.

Just because things are getting bad doesn’t mean you should leave. There is no rule that says you have to leave after one argument. If you feel safe, take the time to figure out what you want. Speak to someone you trust and know your needs (housing, etc.).

Leaving your relationship doesn’t mean you didn’t try. It’s something that both people have to want to repair. You can choose to leave your relationship at any time if you feel your needs are not being met.

A note about abuse and safety

If there are threats, manipulation, or abusive behavior towards you, these are not things you can fix by following steps to communicate. Reach out to someone you trust or call a resource in your area to help you come up with a safety plan.

In the United States, the National Domestic Violence Hotline offers safety-planning support at thehotline.org, by phone at 800-799-SAFE (7233), or by texting START to 88788. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

A Quick Comparison: Repairing the Relationship or Stepping Away?

Consider working on repair when…	Consider stepping back when…
Both partners want to discuss the problem.	One partner refuses to take part or discuss change.
Each person can take responsibility for their own actions.	Harmful behavior continues without accountability.
You can agree on small, specific changes.	Agreements are repeatedly broken with no effort to address why.
You feel safe expressing needs and setting boundaries.	You feel afraid, controlled, threatened, or pressured to stay.
You can review progress and adjust together.	The effort remains one-sided or your needs remain unmet.

This is a tool to help you reflect on your situation. Not all situations are going to apply to you or require you to walk away.

A resource for relationship skills

Check out Relationship Rewrite if you’d like more information on learning how to communicate better and understand what’s going on in your relationship. Check out pricing and program information here. Please note courses are not a replacement for help if there is abuse or danger occurring in your relationship.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it possible to fix a broken relationship?

You can only do your part. You can communicate what you want to happen and hope they meet you halfway. Once you have communicated what you need and they respond, you can assess the situation.

How long does it take to repair a relationship?

It varies. You want to know what happened, and are they trying to better themselves and you as well? Try not to go off of a timeline. Ask yourself if your partner is doing work to improve the relationship and if it has gotten better for you.

How do you rebuild a relationship after constant arguing?

Pick one thing that has been bothering you. Don’t try to fix everything all at once. Agree that if you start hurting one another, you will stop and come back to this later. If you’re trying to communicate what is wrong and nothing is happening, you may want to seek outside help. You may also find our guide to stopping arguments in a relationship helpful.

When should I give up on my relationship?

If you’re not happy with your relationship and your needs aren’t being met. If they continue to hurt you or refuse to work on their issues, you may want to step away. Seek help if you feel threatened in any way.

For me, when you see them putting work into your relationship, they care about you and want things to work out, but it’s also okay if it doesn’t work out for you.

Progress, I believe, isn’t about getting every single conversation perfect. It’s about watching over time a shared care, shared accountability, and shared lifting—all while respecting your personal limits and safety.

Conclusion

Learning how to fix a broken relationship starts with naming what feels wrong and asking whether both people are willing to take part in change. Pick one thing that has been bothering you. Talk to your partner about it. Come up with something they can do to better the situation and see if they follow through.

Don’t expect everything to work out after one conversation. Assess how your partner acts and if they are continuing to respect you and work on their issues.