What to Say to Your Ex After No Contact: Text Examples

Exactly what to say to your ex after no contact depends on why you’re reaching out and whether they want contact. Maybe you want to apologize, see if they want to talk, or discuss a logistical issue. It can feel daunting trying to find the right words when you don’t know how your ex will react.

There’s no magical phrase that will guarantee your ex reacts however you want them to. A good initial text is concise, straightforward, and respectful of your ex’s boundaries. It leaves your ex the option to respond yes, no, or not at all.

If your ex explicitly asked you to stop contacting them, then you should not contact them. If they didn’t ask you to stop and you truly feel comfortable reaching out, the examples below will guide you on how to phrase a message that suits your circumstances.

A personal note: If you’re reading this while deciding whether to reach out, you don’t have to find the perfect words or make a choice right away. Take the time you need. Your feelings matter, and so do your boundaries.

Key takeaways

• Did your ex ask you not to contact them. If so do not text them.
• State what your reason for texting them and keep your initial text brief.
• Do not try to force them into responding or feel guilty by texting over and over. Have another person text them for you.
• Just because they replied to you doesn’t mean your getting back together.
• If they don’t reply or tell you no take care of yourself.

Before you reach out

Make sure it’s okay to reach out.

Sometimes, no contact means different things. Maybe they told you not to contact them. Maybe you decided not to contact them. Or maybe you both came to a decision not to talk for some time. Each of these will require different actions.

If your ex told you not to contact them, respect that. Don’t text from a new phone number. Don’t try to use their friends or run into them “by accident.” If there is a restraining order or any type of contact is not allowed, then stay away from them.

If you both came to an understanding not to speak to each other for a certain amount of time, what were you both going to do after that time passed? If you aren’t sure if it’s okay to reach out, you can always not text them. Or you can ask someone you trust what they think you should do.

Some things may be okay to reach out about if you both have belongings or kids together. Just make sure you’re keeping your communication focused on that topic. If you have a parenting plan in place, follow that. You should also follow any legal agreements or court orders.

Be honest about your reason

What do you want to happen after you text your ex? Do you want to apologize? Do you want to see if they want to talk? You may just want to let them know something. Maybe you want them to know you miss them.

It’s okay to want someone to respond to your texts, but know that this is what you are trying to achieve. When someone is not talking to you for a period of time, that doesn’t mean they are going to come back to you. It can help people grow apart.

If you are texting your ex because you are feeling sad, lonely, or worried about what your ex may be doing, hold off on texting them. There are better ways to deal with those emotions. Maybe write down what you want to say and hold off until the next day.

If you are thinking about reaching out to your ex, consider these questions to ask before getting back with an ex.

Think about safety and boundaries

If you believe that you may be in danger by contacting your ex, don’t do it. If there were any threats, stalking, or manipulation in the relationship, make sure you stay safe and speak to someone one-on-one whom you trust.

Love Is Respect has more information on how to end an unhealthy relationship and what to do when someone isn’t respecting your boundaries. Make sure you are using a safe device if you believe they may be spying on your phone or messages.

Your ex may have broken up with you, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t dangerous. Remember, you don’t have to talk to your ex. You don’t have to forgive them or give them another chance.

What to Say to Your Ex After No Contact: First Text Examples

When you text your ex, you don’t have to explain everything that happened. Just keep it to a few sentences. Let your ex know why you are reaching out, and allow them to take it from there.

You should know that when you text your ex, it should meet these criteria:

• Tell them why you’re reaching out.
• Don’t expect them to respond.
• Don’t make them feel guilty.
• Don’t put them on the spot.
• Respect any boundaries they may have had.

Here are some examples of what to say to your ex.

Affiliate disclosure: This article includes an affiliate link. If you make a purchase through it, we may earn a commission.

Why you’re reaching out	A respectful approach	Example opening
You want to see if they’re open to talking	Ask directly, and make it easy for them to decline.	“Would you be open to talking sometime? No pressure if not.”
You want to apologize	Name what you did and don’t expect forgiveness or a reply.	“I’m sorry for how I handled [specific situation]. I wanted to take responsibility.”
You need to discuss a practical matter	State the issue and the next step you need.	“I’m reaching out about [specific matter]. Would [day or time] work?”
They asked you not to contact them	Don’t send a message. Respect their boundary.	No message is the respectful choice.

If you’d like to learn more about Relationship Rewrite, view the program here.

If you want to check whether they are open to talking

Hi, [name]. I hope you’re doing okay. I’d be open to talking sometime if you are. No pressure if you’d rather not.

This lets your ex decide whether a conversation feels right. Do not follow it with several more texts asking if they saw it.

If you want to apologize

Hi, [name]. I’ve been thinking about how I handled [specific situation]. I’m sorry I [specific action]. I understand that it affected you, and I don’t expect a reply. I wanted to take responsibility.

A useful apology names what you did without adding “but” or asking your ex to reassure you. Avoid turning the apology into a request to get back together.

If you want to ask about reconnecting

Hi, [name]. I’ve had some time to reflect, and I’d be open to talking about whether reconnecting makes sense for both of us. If you’re not interested, I’ll respect that.

A message like this is direct without assuming your ex feels the same way. They can agree to talk without agreeing to restart the relationship.

If you need to discuss a practical matter

Hi, [name]. I’m reaching out about [specific item or task]. Would [day or time] work to arrange [clear next step]? We can keep this focused on logistics.

Keep practical communication practical. If you share children, for example, follow your existing parenting arrangements and keep the conversation centered on their needs.

If you want to send a simple check-in

Hi, [name]. I hope you’ve been well. I wanted to check in and see whether you’d be comfortable talking. It’s okay if not.

A friendly check-in can still carry an emotional message. If you want a conversation about the relationship, say so rather than using a vague opener and hoping your ex guesses what you mean.

What to avoid saying

Don’t overload your ex with all the things you think about them and all the reasons you were hurt. It’s almost impossible for them to respond to that kind of message.

Messages You Shouldn’t Send

• “Answer if you ever loved me.”
• “I know you still think about me.”
• “I can’t live without you.”
• “I’m here, let’s talk.”
• “We deserve one final conversation.”
• “I’ll continue to message until you reply.”

Your text message should never be a threat or used to stalk or pressure your ex into contacting you.

Do not send intimate pictures or information about you or your ex to others. Contacting your ex at their job or through family is not recommended, unless you have a good reason to do so. If you are upset, drunk, or feeling overwhelmed, take some time to figure out what you want to say.

After you send the text

After you’ve reached out one time, allow your ex to make the decision of what they want to do. Don’t double-text them just because they haven’t responded yet. There are many reasons they may not respond to your message.

Maybe put your phone away for a bit. You can mute the conversation and make plans to see a friend, or just go for a walk. If you find yourself going on their social media or looking through your texts, it’s best to step away from those things. Here’s a helpful article about what to expect during your breakup.

Allow your ex to decide if they want to respond to your message.

If they do not reply

It may hurt that they didn’t reply, but that doesn’t mean you should continue to try. There are many reasons your ex may not have replied to you. You know they didn’t want to speak to you.

Don’t continue to text your ex. Don’t try messaging them from another account or having friends ask them to talk. Write what you want to say down or speak with someone. Maybe decide what you want to do to move on from your ex.

If they say no

It’s upsetting to hear your ex say no to you. You can always respond with:

“Thank you for letting me know. I’ll leave you alone and hope you do well.”

And leave it at that. You don’t have to convince your ex why they should talk to you or promise to wait for them. Find someone that can talk to you that won’t encourage you to reach out to your ex.

If they want to talk

Great news—your ex wants to talk to you! It doesn’t mean they want to be with you again. You can schedule a time to speak with them and allow each other to open up about what you’re thinking.

Ask what they want out of life right now, why the relationship ended, and if anything has changed since. Your ex may tell you things, but watch their actions. If you feel uncomfortable, you can end the conversation or take more time.

Setting boundaries can help you and your ex know what you’re comfortable with when you start talking to each other. This guide to setting boundaries in a relationship includes examples and simple scripts.

Give yourself a kind next step

Reach out to someone you trust after you spoke to your ex. Make a plan to do something you enjoy or write down what you learned from this experience. You can miss your ex and not talk to them again, or you can want to talk to them but take it slow.

Ask yourself what you want from that next message. If you want them to reply, then maybe hold off on sending that text. Your ex can make that decision if they want to speak to you.

Love Is Respect also offers guidance on staying strong after a breakup. Take your time and figure out what you want.

Frequently asked questions

How many days should I wait to text my ex?

There’s no magic number that you should wait. Why did you decide to take time away? Did you both come to an agreement to contact each other after a certain amount of time? If your ex told you not to contact them, don’t use a timeline as an excuse to reach out.

I still love my ex, what should I do?

You can love your ex and choose not to contact them. Think about what you went through with your relationship and if anything has changed. Just because you miss your ex doesn’t mean you need to be with them.

Can I tell my ex I miss them?

Yes, you can. But is that what you want to tell your ex? Your ex may not know how to respond to “I miss you.” If they don’t want to talk to you, you can tell them that you would like to talk to them and allow them to make that decision.

Is it okay to text my ex after no contact?

It depends. If you and your ex are okay with talking to each other, then yes, you can send them one message. If your ex told you not to contact them or you have a restraining order, no, you should not text your ex.

One last thought: Whatever you decide to do, be patient with yourself. Remember, you’re trying to show patience to your ex. There is nothing wrong with choosing not to reach out to your ex.

Final thoughts

Keep it simple and allow your ex to decide if they want to respond. Let them know why you are reaching out to them and send them one text message. Accept whatever answer you receive.

We hope these tips help you through your breakup.