How to Stop Checking Your Ex’s Social Media After a Breakup

So you choose not to check. Whether it’s silence, a push notification, or something else that reminds you of your ex, you check their profile again. Maybe you just wanted to see one thing. Now you may feel anxious about what you saw. Maybe they seem happy or unhappy, or you feel angry at yourself.

Here are some tips if you’re wondering how to stop checking your ex’s social media. You don’t have to figure everything out before taking action. You can become aware of your triggers and create some distance between yourself and checking their page. Try these steps for the next few minutes when you feel that urge.

Below are some things you can use to help you through this process. Use these tips as they work for your situation.

If this is something you’re struggling with right now, please don’t be hard on yourself. Wanting to check does not make you weak or foolish. You may be looking for comfort, answers, or a sense of connection. Take this one small step at a time. You don’t have to get it perfect today.

Key takeaways

• Notice what time, emotions, and apps you may be checking.
• Set a limit, whether it be mute, unfollow, or block.
• What will you do when the urge first hits you?
• Tell your friends not to update you, and separate your shared-responsibility messages.
• If you continue to check, use that as data. Go back to your plan. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
• Get help if it is disrupting your day-to-day life, whether it’s from checking or missing your ex.

How to stop checking your ex’s social media: start with the triggers

Everyone is different with why they may want to check. Maybe you just want to see what your ex is up to. Maybe you’re hoping they’ll show you some kind of indication that they miss you or that they aren’t over you. Perhaps you want some closure or to reconnect with something you once knew.

If part of you is wondering whether a second chance could work, our guide to questions to ask before getting back with an ex can help you think it through before deciding anything.

It could also depend on the time of day. If it’s the middle of the night and you’re alone, you may be more inclined to check. Or it can simply become second nature to check when you open an app. Once you identify what leads you to check, ask yourself if it’s worth it and how you feel after checking.

In 2012, there was a study done on 464 participants who were surveilling their ex on Facebook. There were correlations found between checking on your ex and levels of grief, missing your ex, and growth. This doesn’t mean if you check you will feel all of these emotions, but it’s a reason to be cautious.

“What am I hoping to see when I check?” After you know your answer to that, ask yourself, “How do I typically feel after I check?” These are questions that can allow you to see if you’re benefiting from checking or if you’re getting stuck in the cycle.

Knowing what emotions you may feel when checking. Ask yourself: “What do I hope to find when I look?” Then ask: “How do I usually feel ten minutes later?” You do not have to judge either answer. They can help you decide whether checking is giving you something useful or keeping you caught in a loop.

What tends to trigger the urge to check?

Try to be aware of your urges for a few days. You can just make simple notes about when they occur. When you have an urge write down what time it was. What you were doing, how you felt and what you did after that. Don’t try to keep score or make it something you can fail at.

Some things that can make you want to check are:

• Feeling sad, bored, or anxious.
• Something reminds you of your ex (picture, song, location, date).
• Notifications or the app pushing your ex.
• Hearing a mutual friend talk about seeing your ex.
• You need comfort after something bad happened.
• Opening an app and instinctively checking.

You could create a small chart to keep track:

Moment	What I noticed	What I can try next time
Late evening, alone	Restless and curious	Put my phone across the room and text a friend
After a mutual friend’s story	Worried I missed something	Ask the friend not to share updates
After an argument about co-parenting	Angry and tempted to look	Send only the practical message through our agreed channel

Try to identify what will work for you. Maybe it’s charging your phone outside of your room if you tend to struggle at night, turning off certain profiles on apps if they are available, or simply avoiding that page for a while. Pick something that aligns with what you may be struggling with.

Should you mute, unfollow, or block your ex?

It’s not necessary to do what everyone else is doing. Do you want to see less of them? Block them to set a stricter boundary or if you need to feel safe. These actions can help you control your exposure and screen time. You don’t have to make it known to your ex.

Option	What it changes	May fit when
Mute	Hides some of their posts or stories from your feed, depending on the platform	You want fewer reminders but are not ready to unfollow
Unfollow	Removes their posts from your feed without necessarily blocking contact	Seeing updates keeps drawing you back
Block	Restricts access or contact on that platform, based on its settings	You want a clearer boundary or need to stop unwanted contact

Every platform has different controls that it may update at any time. Check the app for more info on what each one will do. You can always change this at a later time. Just because you block someone from your personal account doesn’t mean you need to cut off all practical matters. You can decide on another form of communication to stay on top of things.

Affiliate disclosure: This article includes an affiliate link. If you buy through it, I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.

Optional resource: You can review Relationship Rewrite. Check the program page for current details and decide whether it is relevant to you.

Make checking harder, and reminders less constant

You don’t have to rely on willpower alone. You can modify your environment to require you to take more actions to check and reduce how many times you see a reminder. Here are some ideas. Choose a couple and implement them. More can be added once these become effective.

• Move the app. Move it from your home screen to a folder you aren’t accustomed to using.
• Disable notifications. Look at all notifications related to that app and any notifications that may show your ex or activity you may see.
• Delete shortcuts. Delete any shortcuts you have saved to search for or go to their profile directly.
• Go through your photos/messages. Move reminders from places you may commonly see. There is no need to delete them at this time.
• Change your recommended feeds. Do this if a feature is available to you.
• Find a friend who can help enforce a boundary. Have them sit with you while you change settings or keep you from using the app for a decided amount of time.

Don’t feel as if you’re failing if you continue to want to check. These modifications can allow you more time to recognize your urges and apply your plan.

What can you do in the first few minutes when the urge hits?

Have an answer ready for when your next urge occurs. You may not want to think of an elaborate answer when the urge strikes. Try the following:

Try this four-step pause

1. Recognize that you have the urge to check. “I feel anxious and want to check” or “I want to see what my ex is doing.” Find a statement that applies to you.
2. Put your phone down. Place it on a surface or in another room. Turn it over if necessary. You’re not saying you will never check; you’re just creating a pause.
3. Count to ten minutes. Maybe even set a timer. Drink water, go outside, stretch, take a shower, or complete one chore.
4. Decide what you want to do next. After the ten-minute pause, decide if you want to check or not. You can always repeat the process. Reach out to someone or continue what you were doing before.

Something you can say to yourself is:

“I know I have the urge to check, but I don’t have to act on it right away.”

Or:

“Checking may give me more to think about, not a clear answer. I’ll wait ten minutes and decide again.”

Remember, you don’t have to be calm when the urge strikes. You’re just allowing yourself time. If you check, identify why you may have checked and implement a different tactic next time.

How can you handle updates from mutual friends?

There may be times when friends update you on things they don’t know you may not want to know. You can simply let them know that you would like them not to tell you. No guilt trips or trying to put them on the fence. Just communicate what you want.

Here are some examples:

• “I need you not to update me on anything my ex posts or that they’re doing with others.”
• “I love you, but I would prefer no screenshots or news about them at this time.”
• “If I were to ask you about them, please remind me that I told you I didn’t want updates.”
• “You don’t have to pick a side; I just want us to avoid the topic when it’s brought up.”

You can always mute the chat for a period of time if you’re in a group. Ask a friend to keep you updated if there’s something that pertains to you. Leave the conversation when updates are being made. “I’m going to step away from this conversation.” No further explanation needed.

Maybe they forgot or don’t understand. Tell them one more time and decide what you’re going to do. Mute the chat or limit your time around that person when it’s about your ex, see this guide to relationship boundaries and simple scripts.

How do you separate necessary contact from checking?

There will be certain circumstances where you and your ex have to communicate, whether it be co-parenting, bills, animals, job-related, or housing. So, not contacting your ex is not an option that you have to follow from this article. Simply cut back on social media use when communicating with them.

If possible, communicate with your ex on one platform. It can be as simple as establishing what you’re allowed to communicate about on that platform. You can communicate that you will only be using email to send information about the kids’ schedule.

“I’m going to use email to communicate about the kids’ schedule. If you have any personal information you would like to share with me about our child, you can send that here as well.”

Or:

“I will be using this form of communication for the apartment and bills only. Please refrain from communicating with me on social media about those things.”

Establish how often you’ll check that platform and communicate any urgent matters that way. Don’t use that opportunity to check up on your ex’s life. Only address what you need to and move on. If you feel like it’s not a healthy way to communicate, look into speaking with someone. Make sure it works for both of you.

What if you check again after deciding to stop?

One slip does not mean you have no chance at breaking your habit. Respond to yourself with curiosity, not punishment. It can easily spiral into shame, leading you to give up for the rest of the day because of one check.

Ask yourself these questions afterward:

• What was happening before I checked?
• Why did I think I would enjoy checking?
• How did I feel after checking?
• What can I do differently next time this situation occurs?

Be specific. You may have checked after a mutual friend’s story. You can mute their stories for the time being or reiterate that you don’t want to hear anything about them. Maybe you checked at a certain time of night. Charge your phone somewhere else or try to do something different when you get in bed.

Do not use your slip as an opportunity to check more. You don’t have to scroll through all the posts you missed or talk to your ex about why you checked. Close your phone, complete one of your activities, and continue your day. There are many resources for how to cope with your emotions after a breakup. Check out “The Stages of Breakup Grief” if you need help with this. We are focusing on your social media habit here, not a timeline for recovering from a breakup.

When might it help to seek support?

If you find that checking is causing you distress or impacting your ability to function (sleep, work/school, relationships, etc.), reach out to a mental health professional or doctor. You don’t have to wait until it reaches a point where you can’t function to ask for help. They can help you figure out what is causing your habit and come up with steps that work for you.

The National Institute of Mental Health suggests that if you have symptoms that interfere with your day-to-day life, you should seek help. Severe symptoms that last two weeks or longer should also receive help. This is helpful when thinking about general mental health but does not apply to checking on social media. If you are feeling worse or your coping methods aren’t working for you, then it’s okay to reach out sooner.

Reach out to 988 to speak to someone who can help you if you or someone you know is feeling distressed or has suicidal ideation. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Conclusion: How to stop checking your ex’s social media

One moment. One rule. One less time that you think about them. Identify what makes you want to look, and try to come up with a solution. Have your friends know that you would like them to stop telling you about them. When you look, see if there is anything you can add to your plan.

You don’t have to do all of these today. Find one thing that will work for you and modify as you see fit.

Try one small step today: mute a reminder, move the app off your home screen, or ask a friend not to share updates. Choose what feels doable.

Frequently asked questions

Why do I continue to check?

It could be because you feel some sort of curiosity about them—perhaps loneliness, uneasiness, or even just remembering your involvement. Sometimes, opening the app becomes an automatic action. Identify what usually precedes you checking and create a plan for when that occurs.

Should I mute/unfollow/block my ex?

Do what you feel will provide you with enough distance. Muting may allow you to still have access but won’t show as many reminders. Unfollowing will remove their posts from your view. Blocking will give you more distance on the platform. See what your app offers.

What if I have mutual friends who may update me?

Tell your friend(s), “I’m going to refrain from knowing about my ex. Please don’t inform me of what they may post.” You can always mute a chat or avoid conversation about your ex if this becomes an issue.

What if we have kids/other things in common?

Create another form of communication for business-type things. Make sure both parties know what will go in that message and when you will be checking. Find what works best for you and your situation.

What if I still check?

Close the app. Don’t let it turn into a marathon. Jot down what led you to check and move forward with your plan or modify one aspect.

When should I get help?

If your behavior and/or breakup is greatly impacting your life, reach out to someone: your doctor or a mental health professional. If you are in the US, call/text 988.

A gentle reminder: you don’t have to handle this perfectly. If the urge comes back, pause, be kind to yourself, and take the next small step.