How to Get Over Being Cheated On After a Breakup

How to get over being cheated on after a breakup? Take some time for yourself. Create healthy boundaries and surround yourself with those who care about you.

There are many ways to heal, and there is no timeline. You don’t have to forgive your ex, know everything that happened, or even feel “better” before moving on. Just take the next step that works for you. Maybe that’s giving yourself some time or reaching out to someone you trust. Keep communication to business if necessary.

A gentle reminder from me: you don’t have to make sense of everything today. Take the next step that feels manageable, and let someone you trust support you.

Key takeaways

• You didn’t do anything wrong. They chose to cheat on you.
• Missing your ex doesn’t mean you have to see them.
• Set contact boundaries that allow you to grieve.
• Grieving will take time. There will be ups and downs.
• Reach out to people you trust or a professional if needed.

Why a breakup after cheating can feel confusing

There are many emotions that come with a breakup: feeling relieved that it’s over, mad about the situation, grief that you won’t get to experience that life with them, or questioning that you’ll never know why. You may feel all of these things one day and none the next.

You may remember the good times you had with your ex. Did you imagine those too? There can be love in a relationship that ends with someone cheating on you. Remembering the good times doesn’t mean you have to see them. You can feel angry and not act on those feelings.

If you’d like to learn more about what you may feel after your relationship ends, read about the stages of breakup grief and what to expect. The stages are not a schedule. You may move back and forth between feelings, or experience several at once.

How to Get Over Being Cheated On After a Breakup

1. Let yourself feel what you feel

You may feel like this should just stop. It’s normal to want a quick fix for this, but by trying to push through, you may not realize what you’re needing.

Name the emotion you’re feeling. “I’m feeling angry” or “I miss my ex, and I’m sad.” Write it down or talk to someone. Journaling or talking to a trusted person can allow you to process what’s going on in your mind. Don’t feel like you need to take action based on how you’re feeling.

If you have a good day, then a bad one, it doesn’t mean you’ve regressed. You may have a trigger that brings your feelings back. Allow yourself to feel it and move on.

2. Separate your ex’s choices from your self-worth

We tend to try and find a reason why someone cheated on us. We think we must have done something or maybe missed something. It can feel empowering to find a reason, but it’s not your fault they cheated on you.

They made the decision to cheat. It doesn’t mean you weren’t beautiful, that you didn’t love them enough, or weren’t interesting enough. Relationships can have issues, but we all are responsible for our own actions.

If you feel like you want to grow from this experience, learn from your needs and boundaries. There is no need to blame yourself for what they did or figure out why your ex cheated if you don’t know.

3. Choose contact boundaries that protect your space

Decide how much contact you want to have with your ex. This can be no contact at all or only talk when needed. Leave some areas of your life open to contact and others that you may need to distance yourself from.

Boundaries are about what you will do, not what your ex will do. Make it simple and straightforward. If you have things in common like housing, money, animals, children, or property, you will have to communicate with your ex. Here are some examples of how to set boundaries and scripts.

You can also set boundaries with your friends and family. They can choose not to pass information to you or pressure you into getting back together. Feel free to change your boundaries at any time; you don’t have to give anyone access to you.

4. Plan for reminders before they catch you off guard

Songs, places, pictures, and events can remind you of your ex. You won’t be able to prevent every trigger, but you can create a plan.

Maybe you know that you will have a hard time on your anniversary. Who can you reach out to, and what can you do that day? Move your pictures to a location that you won’t see. Mute your ex on social media. Have a friend accompany you to an event.

Remember, these are things that you can do but don’t have to do. Deleting all your pictures or blocking your ex isn’t necessary to get over them.

Someone you trust can provide you with that without making you feel like you have to decide what you want to do.

5. Choose support from people who respect your choices

Having someone to talk to can be very helpful. Let that person know what type of support you want. Maybe they can listen to you or help you with something. They may even just want to hang out with you.

If someone tells you to move on, get over it, or start dating, let them know that’s not what you need. You don’t have to give everyone the full story about your relationship. Find people that will support you through your decisions.

Finding a counselor or therapist can be helpful as well if your breakup is impacting your everyday life, or if you just want someone to help you through it.

6. Rebuild routines and confidence in your judgment

Breakups can throw your daily habits out of whack. Try to establish healthy habits. Eat something healthy when you can. Go for a walk or sleep. Do one thing that you used to enjoy before you were in the relationship.

Trust yourself by doing small things that benefit you: not talking to someone that isn’t helping you, asking for help, or creating a plan for your weekend.

Try not to focus on not thinking about your ex. Are you allowing yourself to enjoy other aspects of your life?

Seeing or contacting your ex after the breakup

There may be circumstances that you have to talk to your ex after breaking up. If you have work, friends, or kids in common, know what you need to discuss and stay focused on the conversation. Texting or emailing your ex may help with this as well.

If you know that your ex will be at an event, you have the option to ask about what they will be doing. Then you can decide if you want to go or not. You can always leave early or have someone with you.

Scripts to use when talking to your ex.

Situation	Script
You need space	“I need space, so I won’t be in contact for now. Please respect that.”
You need to discuss practical matters	“I’m only available to discuss practical matters. Please keep messages focused on those.”
You do not want updates from friends	“I’m not asking anyone to choose sides. For now, I’d rather not hear updates about my ex.”
You want support from someone you trust	“I’m having a hard time after the breakup. Could you listen without pressuring me to make a decision?”
You want to check whether your ex will attend	“I’d like to know whether my ex plans to be there, so I can decide what feels comfortable for me.”
You miss your ex but want to keep distance	“I can miss someone and still choose the distance I need.”

Optional resource

The Relationship Rewrite Method may be useful if you want a structured relationship resource. I may earn a commission if you purchase through this affiliate link, at no extra cost to you.

Do you have to forgive your ex?

Not necessarily. Forgiveness is something that you choose to do. There is nothing wrong with deciding that you don’t want to forgive or aren’t ready to even think about it. You can continue moving on without trying to reconcile with your ex or speak to them.

If you feel like forgiving your ex is important to you, take the time to figure out what you want forgiveness to mean to you. It doesn’t have to mean you believe their actions were okay or forgive them and allow them back into your life. You can choose to let go of some anger towards your ex.

Remember not to put a time limit on this. Others will try to tell you how long you should take to forgive your ex, whether that’s your friends, family members, or even your ex. Only you know what will make you feel comfortable.

When extra support may help

You may want to seek help if you are struggling with day-to-day activities or feel as if you are not able to cope. Maybe you want to talk to someone about what’s been going on and don’t want to be pressured into deciding right away. You can always start with someone you know or seek out a professional. You can ask how much they charge and what kind of help they can provide you with.

The National Institute of Mental Health has some helpful tips about taking care of your mental health. They also have some information on when to seek help from a professional. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have an article about Managing Stress that may be helpful as well. These articles aren’t tailored to cheating but can give you some insight on how to take care of yourself.

FindTreatment.gov is a locator for mental health and drug treatment in the United States and its territories. This site is free and confidential. The United States Find Support page also lists ways to find support.

If you are feeling suicidal or in emotional distress in the United States, call or text 988. If you are in danger, please call your local authorities. Outside of the United States, you can find a crisis service here.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to miss your ex who cheated on you?

Yes. You can miss your ex and not think they did anything wrong. Just because you miss someone doesn’t mean you want them in your life. If you catch yourself missing your ex, read our article What to Do When You Miss Your Ex. Pick one thing you can do for yourself today.

How long does it take to get over being cheated on?

This question is very difficult to answer. Everyone experiences things differently, and there are many factors that can affect your healing process. Some days you may feel better than others. Don’t beat yourself up for that.

Rather than focusing on a time frame, focus on what you can do each day to allow yourself to heal. Are you sleeping better? Spending more time with your friends? Thinking about what happened less throughout the day?

Should I ask my ex why they cheated?

It’s your decision whether to ask your ex for an explanation. Think about what you want to know from your ex. If they don’t give you a satisfactory answer, what will you do? Maybe you can list what you want to ask them and wait a day to see if you still want to contact them.

If you have things to discuss with your ex that are outside of the relationship, it may be best to keep those conversations separate. There may not be an explanation that will satisfy you. You can continue living your life without knowing the why.

Was I the reason my ex cheated on me?

No. While relationships can be complicated, your ex decided to cheat on you. You can work on learning what you may want from a relationship without placing blame on yourself for your ex cheating.

There are no wrong answers when it comes to figuring out what happened. If you continue to blame yourself, reach out to someone who you feel comfortable speaking to about this topic.

Do I have to forgive my ex?

You don’t have to forgive your ex in order to move on. You can move on without forgiving them, speaking to them, or even telling them that everything is okay. If you want to forgive your ex one day, that’s up to you.

I just want to leave you with one thing. Remember that you are healing. It’s okay to miss your ex. You’re doing nothing wrong by not wanting to forgive your ex. Continue to take things one step at a time.

Conclusion

Healing from being cheated on can take time. Allow yourself to grieve and do things that will help you move forward. Remember to forgive yourself and take it one step at a time.

Also here’s another resource to help with your relationship:
Check out Relationship Rewrite Method.
Affiliate disclosure: I may earn a commission if you purchase through this link.