What Is a Situationship? Meaning, Signs, and How to Get Clarity

What is a situationship? When two people are in a situationship, they are not on the same page about what they are. You could love one another, spend time together, and have sex, but not know if you’re in a committed relationship or exclusive.

You might not want to ask because you’re unsure of the answer or if the person will be mad that you asked. In this article, we will learn what a situationship is, some signs you may be in one, and how to ask for more clarity without forcing an answer from you or them.

So if you’re here because you love someone and want to know where you stand with them, keep in mind that wanting to know the answer doesn’t make you needy. You don’t need to figure everything out today; just become aware of what you need.

Key Takeaways

• Expectations can vary; it’s not always the same.
• Just because one thing is happening doesn’t mean that is what the person wants.
• Casually seeing someone or having a friends-with-benefits type of thing can vary too.
• Talk to them. Ask what they want.
• It’s up to you what you want out of the relationship.

What Is a Situationship?

When two people are seeing each other and things aren’t defined, it’s considered a situationship. Maybe you like each other, see each other, and talk frequently, but you may not know if your partner wants more, or if they want to be exclusive with you.

What defines this is that there is no defined expectation. There is no list of 10 things you must be doing to be in a situationship. Some couples are happy to see each other on a casual basis and know that they are only seeing one another. They talk about it and have no expectations. Others could be doing all of the same things and not know what they are with one another because it’s never been discussed.

The Cleveland Clinic defines situationships as any relationship that is not defined. It goes into further detail about situationships and mentions that the lack of boundaries is what could classify someone as being in a situationship. It also talks about how there are many variations to situationships.

Using the term situationship can help define what you are in, but it will not tell you what the other person wants. If you are trying to figure out if you’re in a situationship, try not to use the term to guide you. Look at what you’ve talked about, what hasn’t been talked about, and how it makes you feel.

Common Signs You May Be in a Situationship

Here are some signs you may be in a situationship. Keep in mind these are just signs. As mentioned before, everyone is different. They may communicate differently or like to see each other differently. One bad week doesn’t mean you’re in a situationship.

You have not talked about what the relationship is

You may see each other, talk about things, and even talk every day, but never mention if you’re dating or if you want to be in a serious relationship. If nothing has been said, you may be assuming things they don’t want.

Plans or communication feel inconsistent

You may see each other every day one week, and the next week they can’t find time to see you, or they text you some days and not others. You never know when they’ll want to see you. There could be many reasons why. If you feel like you’re not getting enough communication or don’t know when you’ll see each other, it’s fair to ask them.

You don’t know if you’re exclusive.

There is a chance you or they could be seeing or sleeping with others. Just because you see each other often, touch, or spend the night together doesn’t mean you’re exclusive. Talk to them and see what exclusivity means to you both.

Future plans or commitment conversations get avoided

If they steer the conversation away from talking about your future, or you never speak of anything past your next date, they could want different things from you or just need more time to decide. Try asking them what they’re open to talking about and let them know what you need.

Just because one of these signs exists doesn’t mean you’re in a situationship. Try to see a pattern and talk to your partner if you feel it’s safe to do so. Ask yourself if you’re both on the same page about your relationship.

Situationship vs. Casual Dating vs. Friends With Benefits

There are many ways to describe these relationships, so here’s a rough breakdown of each.

Arrangement	Expectations	Emotional involvement	Communication
Situationship	The status, commitment, or boundaries may be unclear or unspoken.	May be light, close, or somewhere in between.	One or both people may be unsure what to expect.
Casual dating	People are dating without an agreed commitment, though the meaning varies.	Can range from low-key to emotionally close.	People may discuss that they are keeping things casual, but should not assume they have.
Friends with benefits	People may describe the connection as friendship plus sexual intimacy, with terms that vary.	Friendship may be important; romantic feelings may or may not develop.	Clear expectations can be discussed, but the label alone does not settle them.

It’s not always going to be a situationship if you’re casually dating someone. If two people decide they don’t want to be together and communicate that, it’s fine. There is no definition of friends with benefits, as long as you both are on the same page.

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How to Tell What You Want

Take some time to figure out what you want before you ask your partner what they want. There doesn’t have to be a specific label that you put on it. Just know what will allow you to feel at ease and what won’t.

Maybe you’ll want to know:

• Do I want to be exclusive with just one person?
• Do I not mind if neither of us is trying to commit?
• Would I like to see my partner more or hear from them more often?
• What do I want out of a relationship? Do I want to be exclusive? To spend time together? To have plans for the future?
• Do I enjoy the relationship that we currently have, or am I just hoping it will change?
• Would I be okay if nothing changed?

Whatever you want, there’s no wrong answer. Some people are content with not knowing what they’re in. Other people want a committed relationship before getting emotionally invested. It doesn’t have to be what your partner wants to be valid.

Think about what experience you’re looking for instead of trying to fit into a “label.” Maybe you want to know if both parties are seeing other people. That is more clear-cut than “I want us to label our relationship.” If you feel anxious about your relationship, here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to relationship anxiety.

How to Ask for Clarity

You don’t have to go into this with the best sentence you can come up with. Here are some ways to open up a conversation.

Choose a calm time

Find a time when you are both calm and not already upset or fighting about something. You can say something like, “I have something I’d like to discuss; can we talk now?” While picking a calm time may not yield the answer you’re looking for, it can help the conversation go smoother.

Ask directly

You can always ask a straightforward question. You could say:

“I’ve really enjoyed our time together. I was hoping we could talk about what you want out of this relationship.”

Or, If you want to know about exclusivity, you can say:

“I would like to be exclusive; do you want that too?”

You aren’t forcing your partner to commit to you by asking a question. You are simply giving them an opportunity to tell you what they want and allowing yourself to know what they’re looking for.

Let them know what you want (don’t try to convince them)

If you want commitment, it is okay to say so. You might try:

“I’m looking for a relationship. I don’t want to push you into anything, but I would like to know what you want.”

Allow your partner to respond; they may want the same thing as you. They may want something less, or they may not know. Listen to what they have to say, but you don’t have to accept something that you’re not happy with.

For more ideas on asking questions and expressing needs, see our guide to communicating more clearly in a relationship.

Here are some helpful questions to ask your partner.

Pay Attention To Their Answer

Once your partner answers your question, pay attention to what they said. “I’m not looking for a relationship” is not the same as “I would like to take things slow.” If they’re not clear with their answer, you can ask them a follow-up question. “What do you mean by taking things slow?” Or, “Would you like to speak about this in the future?”

Your partner’s actions can also tell you what they want. Someone may tell you they want to work towards a committed relationship but never speak about what that looks like. Their actions may lead you to believe they want a relationship, but they’re not ready. Don’t overthink what their actions may mean. Look at their actions as a whole and see if it lines up with what you’re looking for.

What to Do After the Conversation

If both parties want the same type of relationship, you can start to create what that looks like. Are you going to be exclusive? How do you both want to communicate? How often do you want to see one another? What are you both willing to do at this point? These are all questions that can be answered once you know what both of you want.

If you both want different things, you have options. You can decide to stay in the situationship and be casual. Take some time to process your thoughts. Or you can walk away from the situation.

If your partner is unsure, you can allow them time to figure out what they want. For example:

“I appreciate you telling me how you feel. I’m going to take some time to decide if this is what I want.”

You can always let your partner know that you want to discuss this further. Decide how long you want to give them to come to a decision. Don’t leave it open-ended.

What if I want a relationship and they don’t?

Neither party is wrong here. You just want different things from each other. You can love someone and decide that you don’t want to stay in a situationship.

You can set a boundary with your partner.

“I care about you, but I don’t think I can stay in an undefined relationship. I’m going to walk away.”

A boundary describes what you will do for yourself. It is not a way to force the other person to change their mind. Our guide to setting boundaries in a relationship offers more examples.

If you feel uncomfortable bringing this up with your partner or are afraid of their reaction, you can always reach out to someone that you trust. Decide what’s best for you.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline’s emotional safety planning resource offers ideas for thinking through support and safety. In the U.S., USAGov’s domestic-abuse resources list the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233), or text START to 88788. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger.

Frequently Asked Questions

What’s the difference between a situationship and casual dating?

Casual dating can mean many things to people. Typically, when someone says they’re casually dating, they’re not in a committed relationship. A situationship can be similar to casual dating, but you may not know what you’re in.

Can you turn a situationship into a relationship?

Yes, if both parties want a relationship. However, you cannot expect your partner to change their mind. You can ask them what they want and decide if you’re happy with their answer.

How long is too long to be in a situationship?

There’s no definite time that you should be out of a situationship. Ask yourself if you’re okay with where the relationship is at. If you’ve asked your partner to define the relationship and you’re still unsure, you can decide to bring it up again or walk away.

Should I end a situationship?

If you’re unhappy, you can always end a situationship. However, you may want to talk to your partner about what you want. If your partner doesn’t want what you want, you can decide to stay casual or walk away.

What does a situationship mean?

A situationship means you’re in a romantic or sexual relationship that hasn’t been labeled. You may have feelings for your partner or spend time with them but aren’t in a committed relationship.

How do you know if you’re in a situationship?

If you and your partner haven’t talked about your relationship, you don’t know if your partner is exclusive with you. Your partner may not want to discuss labeling the relationship. These are all signs that you could be in a situationship.

What’s the difference between a situationship and friends with benefits?

Friends with benefits can mean that you have a friendship with sexual relations. However, many people use this term to describe their situation. Both can be used to describe your situation.

When should I end a situationship?

Whenever you’re unhappy in a situationship, you can end it. If your needs aren’t being met or you want different things than your partner, take some time to think about what you want and decide if you want to end the situationship.

Remember that you don’t have to have all the answers right away. Just know what you want and allow your partner to share what they want.

Conclusion

Its ok to want that. You’re not asking for too much or saying that you want to label everything that you’re with. You just want to know what you are and if that’s what you want.

So ask yourself what do you want if your trying to figure out what is a situationship. Once you know what you want talk about it. You don’t know what they will say but you can go from there.

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